She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
