Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude i'm inner monologue high
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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