Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
