White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
