I swear she didn't look like that last week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
