Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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