What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
