I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
