Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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