I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
