He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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