Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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