I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
