I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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