Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
