I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
