I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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