i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
