i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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