Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
