FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Actions speak louder than pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
