If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
