Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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