I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize