So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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