Swine flu. Run for my life!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
