so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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