Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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