the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
