My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Too much gin, very little bucket
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize