he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
