the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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