if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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