She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
