I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
