My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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