I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
