Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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