if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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