I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
