You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
