where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
