I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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