mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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