Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
