worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
