I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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