so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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