So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
