I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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