So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
