"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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