he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
