I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
