What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize