the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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