I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They took my balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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