I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
