i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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