Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize