Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
