The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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