It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
