so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize