my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
