There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
